Reflection and moving on...

I have come to a place in my life where I don't want to continue on the road that I'm going. I want to take a new path, but right now...I can't seem to find the exit ramp for this road to lead me to another road that has greener pastures and happiness.

This involves my personal and career path. I don't care for either one of them right now. In my personal life, I like to say that I'm happy living the independant life, but am I really? There's a part of me that wants to find that special someone out there that I can spend the rest of my life with...to do things with like taking vacations together to the little things going to movies. Of course, you got all that other stuff...but I'm too embarrassed to even type all that down. lol You know what it is. :) Right now, I moved back home to help my parents out after being out on my own for a year. If you read my first blog, I was there, but shortly after, I left and got myself my own apartment. I loved it for the most part, because I didn't have to answer to anybody. I could watch tv when I wanted to, even have my tv, stereo and computer on at the same time. lol Old habit when I was a kid. Or even if I wanted too I could dress or dressless whatever I felt like. I could go to bed late and wake up late...of course if I didn't have to go to work the next morning. But there was also that loneliness as well. I would come home and there was nobody there to greet me and to talk to. I would just go online and chat with my friends instead. Oh, and I can't forget my upstairs neighbor who cooked curry approximately 3-4 times a week. That has to be one of the most foulest odors ever! There were a few times that I wanted to walk up those stairs, knock on his door and tell him that there are other people that live here and are not use to that stank odor. He would cook it late at night. There were a few times where I was already in bed. I really felt like screaming!! I was about to move out into another apartment that was on the outskirts of downtown Dallas for $700/month, but my parents were in dire straits with my dad's medical problems primarily. So, I moved back home again to help them out. I think to myself if I should have done it or not. I wanted my independance and I wanted to not be living with my folks, but like alot of people have told me..."that's wonderful that you are helping out your parents...you are being a great daughter for it...you won't regret it later on in life"......but then of course, I had to end up purchasing a new car because my 99 Toyota Corolla was starting to become troublesome for my knees because it sat so low and that my driver seat decided that it wanted to break on me. There was one rainy day, which was what got me to plunge in and buy a new car, that I was driving on a freeway with the seat all the way back. My arms could barely touch the steering wheel. I probably looked like a pimp driving. haha But I was scared to death....I prayed to God the whole time I was heading to work. That next day, I went and started looking for cars. So now, I got this huge car payment that I have to pay now, which of course cuts into me helping my parents out amongst the other bills I have. At one time, I did have 3 jobs...two of them were seasonal or where I worked once a week, so it wasn't that stressful. Now, I'm down to one job for the time being. I need another job quick! My salary at the library isn't taking care of everything.

That leads me to my career. I've been working at the library for over 11 years. I am ready to move on, but I've looked at some of the jobs out there and they pay less what I'm making now. Should I do it anyway, or should I try to find a job that pays the same or more...hopefully more. There are so many factors why I want to leave the library. I don't feel comfortable telling them here though. Lurking eyes perhaps. Just know that I'm not happy, I feel stressed, and I'm at the end of the line working there now. I need something fresh, to motivate me again to have a great work ethic and somewhere doing something that I love to do. I do like to do research and helping others. That's probably why I've stayed so long, but I need to find another place now. Pray for me. I've given a few prayers out myself for the Lord to direct my path to where I need to go...I know he's listening... :)

Haven't been here in awhile

Okay, I totally forgot about this blog. lol It took me FOREVER to get back here too. When you are trying to recover your password and want Blogger to email it to you...they only send you a link and tell you what blog you are subscribed to. ARGH! I don't want that! I wanted my damn password so I could sign in!!! <_<

But, with another email account....haha...I'm back here! YES! :)

One of the reasons why I'm back is because there are a few people that have blogs now and I want to post in theirs. lol

One is Taj Jackson's blog: http://deedeeskid.blogspot.com/ and the other one is Aprhodite Jones blog: http://michaeljacksonconspiracy.blogspot.com/

Taj is the son of Tito Jackson, who is the brother of Michael Jackson, which makes Taj Michael's nephew. That's just for those of you that aren't familiar with family lineage. lol

Aphrodite Jones, who I loathed until recently, is a book author/media panelist that has appeared on various networks such as CNN, FoxNews...to name a few. She was once a Michael Jackson hater who told half-truths during her appearances on the before mentioned networks. But after the trial and the God-willing NOT GUILTY verdicts, she had a revelation, a wake-up call or whatever and actually looked into the evidence. GO FIGURE! You would think that if someone was going to go on TELEVISION where MILLIONS of PEOPLE were watching, you would have already gotten the facts of the case, looked at the evidence and then could make a non-biased opinion and present those facts to the public. Riiiiight???? NOPE! GUESS AGAIN!

Welp, Ms. Jones has now written her book Michael Jackson Conspiracy and is blasting the media...the very media that she was apart of. Now she acknowledges that she was part of the pack that sought out to make Michael look guilty and slanted stories for the persecution (I didn't get that wrong). So, I can be a forgiving person....she's gone on some shows and even to a CHURCH with Michael Jackson's incredible defense attorney, Thomas Messereau, to spread the gospel that the national media can be a bunch of blood-sucking, stupid, ignorant, following the lead of others (that probably "kneed" down to the persecuters (mmmhmmm), pack of liars that almost sent an innocent man to prison for over 20 years. Okay, I'm still a little bitter. Okay....alot bitter! Why? Because I'm a fan of Michael's? That's one of the reasons, but one of the major reasons is that I lost faith in the media that is suppose to give the public the truth...not become part of the story...and to be the ones that held our politicians/leaders/prosecutors/judges/lawyers/mayors/President (aka stupid asshole) accountable. Now, with the trials of Michael Jackson displayed throughout the media, I've become jaded to the media and what they say and stand for.

There are still a few outstanding journalists like the Associated Press' Linda Deautsch. I got to meet her in Santa Maria one afternoon after one of the pre-trial hearings was over. We had a nice little discussion. She's a bright light that shines and makes me believe that there may still be hope for some serious journalists that don't get caught up in trying to bring someone famous down because they themselves can make millions off another person's misery.

Okay, I think I chatted enough...lol Hope I didn't bore you....until next time...I'm an outtie! :)

About Me

This is a new blog that I created today, July 7th, 2005.

I'm 31-year old, single female that lives in Mesquite, Texas. Currently, I'm staying with my parents, but I hope that will soon change. Still having your parents trying to tell you what to do is frustrating. I'm constantly knocking heads with my father. Our views on life are no where close to each other. I love my freedom of being independently single. I can go and do whatever I want to do when I want to do it. Though, my mother still frowns on some of my decisions.

I also have a Michael Jackson fanclub here in Texas that I started about 3-4 months ago. The group is called MJ's Texas LoneStars. We're in the process of building a website and message board. So far, there are over thirty members in the club Texas-wide. This blog space will cover many of the things we do with the club.

I've been a fan of Michael's since I was around nine years old. I first discovered him when I saw him on the Motown 25 Anniversary show where he debuted the moonwalk. I was mesmerized by his talent. That Christmas, I asked my mother to buy me his album. From there, I haven't looked back. You'll be learning alot more about Michael, the real man and musician, not the tabloid Wacko Jacko that the media loves to push down the public's throats. The Michael Jackson that I know is no where near that of the fictional Wacko Jacko.

My other interest is sports, particularly basketball. I am a big fan of the Dallas Mavericks. My best player on that team is Dirk Nowitski, who has been in the league for a few years. He came to us from Germany. He is turning into one of the elite basketball players in the game right now. One day we will win that championship!

My character is complex. When you first meet me, I'm very introverted. I don't open up to people until I get to know you better. When I become comfortable with someone, then I am a clown and big kid. Well that is what I've been called anyway. I love to make people laugh and almost always have a smartass remark.

Well enough about me for now. In this blog, I will share my opinions on current topics, and stories that is going on with me, my fanclub, and my circle of friends. I just need to figure how all this works first. So bare with me.